Another Night With What?
I'd first like to bring to light that in my family running down my father's side (although somehow it skipped him), the family has been able to see/hear spirits, as well as get slightly futuristic dreams. Through my whole life, for my ability to see spirits, many have come to me and lingered for a while. Some have even used my dreams in order to bring me to the moments of their death, as if to let go of their stories before moving on. I know this because you are not supposed to feel pain- or really anything in dreams, and yet I can feel as I am stabbed, shot, fall, or otherwise the moments that I die. I cannot wake from these dreams, and it is often agonizing. When I wake up, I can see a face above mine, always changing with the story, that leaves me as it drifts away and dissipates like sand in the wind.
I believe my story began when I was six, when I first nearly died, but since I was young and didn't know much of the world I cannot really see much as being different, except for falling from the top of a very large tree and not sustaining any injury, as well as feeling like I stopped half way down and descended slower after that. No, rather I'd like to take you about a year ago, when I first began to notice the large differences between my life and those around me.
I was living in the unfinished basement of my parent's house. I had mild insomnia and spent most of my nights on this summer online, or writing one of my many series of books. My time online would pass well into the early morning, often 3 o'clock a.m. before I finally would give up and lay in my bed, staring at the ceiling above me. I had tried many ways to get asleep, and only one way seemed to always work; when a spirit wanted to show my something. Most would think me crazy speaking like this, but it was true. Sometimes I was terrified to fall asleep for the experiences that were awaiting me, which may also have been the stem for my insomnia.
Anyway, it was in this house that I began to notice the constant figure that loitered in every hallways while I was at school, at every turn point in the local supermarket, and every moment I spent at any place in the world. When I began to notice its presence, I began to train myself to be able to feel aura (I cannot necessarily see it yet, although my new mentor does). I began to study its aura, trying to find what he was doing here. His aura... was strange, and a friend who's training beside me doesn't recognize his aura as anything either. All she can tell me is what I already hypothesized myself (without telling her); he was a rouge something.
One night I decided to ask him his name. It was well after two o'clock a.m. and I did not feel tired whatsoever. I sat there, looking into the darkness of my basement room before I spoke, asking his his name.
Now, what I'm going to tell you is something very hard to explain, and I don't honestly understand it myself. When most spirits "speak" to you, oftentimes it's either through EVP recording (electronic voice phenomenon recording), or by dream. However, for some off reason, this 'spirit' (as I call him for lack of any other knowledge) tends to manipulate thoughts and emotions to send his will to you. Only once have I heard his true voice, and shortly after that he assured me that it was very draining for him to do so.
Well, I emptied my mind and focused on the area around me. The specific aura codes that were wafting off everything I could feel, painting a monotonous portrait in my mind, except for the aura in front of me, who was a mixture of dark blues, blacks, whites, and the slightest amount of green. He told me then that he would like me to call him Rift, although I do not know if that is his real name or not.
I tolerated Rift for a while, for he seemed to only want to protect me. He was far from a guardian angel, I could tell that much, but there was... something else about him that none of my friends who have either seen him, or felt his presence, can say. However, soon I tired of him following me without telling me why, so I demanded that he tell me immediately. After many weeks of doing this constantly, every day, he just simply ignored me until one day he told me "I will tell you when it is time for you to know". I responded with "When will that time be?", his short reply was "You'll know it."
Since then, more... malevolent spirits have been appearing. It isn't just the simply "this is my death, I don't want to have experienced it alone". Now, it is more painful to me... my soul, even. When telling my friend (the one who is training with me) about the odd dreams and occurrences, she tells me that it's simply a dream and not to bother with it. I just can't forget the dream, even if it happened many months ago.
Another night, I was awoken from my sleep, but I could not move or even open my eyes. I didn't know what had awoken me, but I knew I was not alone. There was an aura in the room, a red, green, and black-mixed one. While laying there entirely still, I felt hot skin against my lips. It was a relatively short kiss, but it was alarming. I tried to wake up further, but was thrust back into sleep and was unable to wake up until the following morning. The next few days Rift was on edge. I became more aware of his presence, and he seemed to grow a bit closer, as if he didn't like that presence in the least.
It was about two weeks later when I first heard Rift's real voice- not just a little bit of nothing in my head. I was doubting his existence, and doubting my own sanity for the reason that everyone else was saying (without knowing I was going through this) that it was not normal to experience this, and that it may mean insanity. I had begun my band, and was trying to write a new song when I stopped and looked to where I believed Rift to be. Even though two friends had already seen him, and many more than that had felt his presence, I still doubted him.
"Rift," I said, "I doubt your existence a lot these days, and it makes me sad to think you may not be true. I have never been honestly happy, but if you can speak to me out loud for just once... Rift, I will be the happiest girl on earth." After waiting for a couple of minutes, completely alone outside of a cornfield, I gave up and walked home.
That night I heard a voice in my room. I opened my eyes, looking past me doors into the house beyond. "I heard a new song today" it said. I thought it had been my dad talking to my mother, his voice echoing oddly through the house making it change pitch slightly and also sound like it was coming from besides my bed. I was curious, though, so I got up, walking silently to my parents room, but my dad was telling my mother about cell regeneration in the body. I instantly knew there was no other explanation than Rift speaking. When I drew this conclusion, his aura seemed to give off the emotion of pleasure, success, and also of what I would believe was telling me 'it was me'.
After that I searched inside my memories. If he stayed with me as long as he did, then why? I wanted to know, so I raked my mind for the tiniest details. The first thing that came to mind was 'shinigami' or in English 'grim reaper' or 'god of death'. The reason this popped up was because of the multiple near-death experiences I've had. First from falling from the top of a tree, then when my cousin tried to drown me. Again when I was nearly hit by the semi saving my dog, and when I nearly broken my neck. Every time, I had sensed someone else there, breaking my fall, or pushing me to the surface of the water, or somehow giving me back breath when I wouldn't even open my own throat. That realization, those events stitching themselves together just seem to make perfect sense, but then again they don't.
I do not know what Rift is, and if you can help me, I'd appreciate it a lot.