How Do You Know If You Are A Vampire?

Question:
How do you know if you are a vampire? What are the real signs?

Answer:
I would be surprised to find someone who was a vampire without knowing it. It's not exactly like those women who one day have a stomach ache and find out that they've been pregnant for the last nine months without knowing it. The transformation from human into vampire is a very acute and painful one, and life as you know it will change dramatically.

However, if you are still not sure if you are a vampire or not, ask yourself the following questions...

1. Does your skin burn immediately when it comes in contact with direct sunlight, silver, or holy water?

2. Is your skin considerably colder and paler than anyone else you know?

3. Do you suddenly and inexplicably have a strong thirst for human blood?

4. When you get angry, upset, or otherwise worked-up, do you suddenly find your canine teeth growing much longer and sharper than before?

5. Are you much, much stronger and/or faster than even the world's top athletes?

6. Are you more than 100 years old and still look like you are no older than 25?

7. Does your heart no longer beat or beat at such an incredibly low, slow rate that by all tenants of medical science you should not be alive?

8. Can you recall a time when you were bitten by a vampire, drank a vampire's blood, or received some kind of blood transfusion after which you experienced an incredibly painful physical experience after which you felt completely different in just about every way?

If you answered "YES" to all or most of these questions, then you are probably a vampire. Otherwise, you are probably not.

Also, if you glitter in the sunlight, then you are definitely not a vampire.

Hope that helps!

-Mike